Stop what you’re doing! It’s a Babylon Bee breaking news alert
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KENOSHA, WI—In a stunning reversal, Kyle Rittenhouse awoke this morning to discover that he had been found guilty after all. Prosecutors explained that during the night, they had found dozens of mail-in jury votes declaring the defendant guilty on all counts. Apparently, boxes of these mail-in votes arrived in a truck at the courthouse around 3:00 am. Rittenhouse received a full 81,000,000 “guilty” votes, making him “the most guilty defendant of all time” according to experts. Attorneys for Mr. Rittenhouse were dumbfounded as to how such a thing could have happened… Read more |
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